Andrew's H8LV 5/12/11

I hate things, I love things. Sometimes at the same time.

H8#3: Locking DVD Cases

              You know the ones I'm talking about. There are two little snap locks on the side of the DVD case that you have to pop up before you can open it. Will someone please tell me what the point of this is? I've wracked my overworked brain for at least seven seconds and have yet to come up with one possible improvement these have over regular DVD cases (I feel the same way about DVD cardboard slipcovers by the way). All of my other DVD cases that don't have snap locks seem to work just fine. Shockingly none of them have ever spontaneously burst open, expelling their contents across the living room as my friends and family dive for cover (I would like this very much, actually). The only thing these DVD cases have ever managed to achieve in my home is when I pick up a movie to watch and, like a sensible human being, open it while walking over to my DVD player in my basement with my cat petting herself with my ankles. It seems to stick for a moment, so I apply more pressure and manage to break the case instead of opening it. Now, I'm sure this wasn't the intention of whatever genius designed this case - how were they supposed to know that in rural Georgia there lived a movie nerd with fantastic muscles who doesn't know his own strength? Still, as I've said before, if you (or your product) contribute absolutely nothing positive, and manage to make life more difficult and annoying in some way I HATE YOU!

H8#2: Teenage Mothers

            While I realize this was all the rage like 100 years ago, when girls got married at age 13, don't you think we should have progressed beyond it by now? I remember long ago (in the good old days) when there was something called shame. Social stigma. I blame a lot of this on abstinence only education, but let's be real for a moment - we all know where babies come from. If you're a young teenager and interested in having sex (and what teenager isn't) you should realize the consequences. Getting unexpectedly pregnant when you are young, unmarried, and probably single, is nothing but a gigantic advertisement of your own stupidity. I know a billion people who accidentally got knocked up so I'm stepping on ten billion toes here, but really, you're all very dumb. It isn't that terribly difficult to avoid. I have a friend who has little to no sense,  and has had sex hundreds of thousands of times, and still hasn't gotten anyone pregnant. You know why? HE'S IMPOTENT! OR he realizes that knocking a girl up would change his life in uncontrollable ways that he is not at all prepared to handle so makes it the most important thing in his life NOT to get anyone pregnant. More important than eating, more important than working, more important than remembering to put gas in his car, more important than not getting arrested. All of these are problems, yes, but problems that can be solved - not something that will last as long as he lives. There is a reason that teenage pregnancy rates are the highest among the least educated social classes - because educated people make better decisions. Now, I'm not saying these children should be treated as bastards, and I'm sure they're all wonderful kids and their parent(s) wouldn't trade them for the world - but that doesn't make their conception any less of a mistake.
          Let's try to not glorify bad decisions, eh? Children are wonderful, and parenting is wonderful, and yes, sex is wonderful too - but we don't randomly buy houses for twenty minutes of pleasure. Know why? Because buying a house is a giant decision that will affect many areas of our life. Let's try to treat childbearing with at least half of that gravitas.

         Note: none of this is to let teenage fathers off of the hook, but unfortunately they are often off of the hook already. It takes two to tango but when it comes to teenage mothers it's rare to see both parents raise the child. This isn't okay, but it's a fact. Everyone should be very conscious of the consequences of their actions, but the consequences are often much greater for the woman than the man. 

H8#1: Hello Kitty

I take it all back. This is obviously so witty it justifies the
existence of Hello Kitty. Also, the original caption for this
on the site where I found it was, "I've worn this once and
will be wearing it again once I lose enough weight." 

            My problem isn't really with Hello Kitty as an object, or a character, or a brand - that's just smart marketing and a simple supply and demand principle. My problem is with the fans of Hello Kitty. For some reason a lot of adult females (and I don't think this is as bad as it was even five years ago, but it's still worth hating) have a weird obsession with Hello Kitty. It's creepy, frankly. Sure, everyone likes cute stuff, girls especially, but Hello Kitty is so ultracute, and so twee, and so patently ridiculous that it's just embarassing to fawn over. It seems to me (and this is just a theory) that girls think that boys find it cute for girls to act like little kids. (Re-read that last sentence to make sure you understand it). We don't. We spend most of our time cursing all the ways that you, as women, don't act like adults. You know how adult guys act like boys - making fart jokes, playing video games for hours on end, trying to look down women's shirts - that ain't cute. It's immature and a huge turn off to you ladies. Now, why in hell would you think that we fellows would find you talking like a little girl, liking little girl stuff, and putting Hello Kitty stickers on your possessions is cute? 

          There are only two types of guys that find this sort of thing attractive, and before you start acting like an 11 year old consider this and decide which type you are trying to attract. A) Pedophiles. B) The Japanese Business Man Stereotype. Hello Kitty originated in Japan, the center for repressed sexuality and terrifying perversion. Japan is a truly freaky place - beyond what any of us could imagine and reaching far beyond the whole Japanese school girl stereotype. If you want to be horrified just do a little research or spend a couple of weeks in Tokyo. 

         I'm a sane guy, and I can admit when I'm reaching a bit. There are plenty of people who find Hello Kitty adorable and can't imagine why I would hate it or relate to me on any level. That's okay though, because this is MY hate list, and I truly, deeply, madly hate it. 

LV: Peanut Butter

                    If you know an O'Dell, you know that we love peanut butter. You know that we simply cannot live without it. You know how some people say, "Oh I love [insert whatever food here]" as a way of saying that [insert previously inserted food here] is one of their favorite foods? Well I don't mean it like that - I mean that I legitimately love peanut butter. How much, you ask? Honestly, if one of the many O'Dell children one day declared that they simply did not like peanut butter well - while they wouldn't be disowned they would certainly be ridiculed and harassed about it at every single family get-together. Ever hear of George Washington Carver? He came up with like over a hundred different uses for peanuts (peanut butter wasn't exactly one of them, but sort of) AND my sister dressed up as him for a costume party when she was about 13. In black face, gray hair, moustache, the whole nine yards. I eat peanut butter in my ramen noodles and bean and bacon soup. I eat peanut butter on my pancakes. I make grilled peanut butter sandwiches. Today for lunch I had a hamburger...with nothing on it except for peanut butter. I'm 26 years old and still eat peanut butter sandwiches (with Bama apple jelly). I knew I was going to one day marry my wife when she told me she puts peanut butter in her vanilla ice cream. Speaking of, I eat peanut butter on vanilla wafers. My favorite candy is Reese's. I love peanut butter more than I love most things - including a lot of living, breathing, beings. If I found out tomorrow I had a severe peanut allergy, I would just take my chances and if I die, die doing what I love - eating peanut butter.