Super Bowl Super Bet List

My favorite holiday of the year will be coming up in a few short days: Super Bowl Sunday. Super Bowl Sunday is perhaps the most American of all our national holidays (with the possible exception of Cinco de Mayo, but more on that in May) as it is the culmination of the NFL season, and everyone knows the NFL is a perfect representation of America.

I know baseball is given the name, "America's pastime" and I think it is a great representation of what America once was (warm summer days, a slow paced game, and full of white guys) but football is America NOW - loud and aggressive, slick and polished, ridiculously masculine, and with commercial breaks every two minutes.

All of that aside, a great way to add enjoyment to your Super Bowl viewing (and make it fun and exciting even to those at your Super Bowl party who know nothing about football) is to make bets on the game. I'm not talking about betting the way they bet in Vegas, where you bet the spread or bet on who the MVP will be or anything that requires you to actually have knowledge of the game, I'm talking about a series of bets known as

THE SUPER BOWL SUPER BET SUPER LIST

These bets can be assigned point values for each bet, or to make it even simpler whoever gets the most bets right automatically wins.

1. Who will win the coin toss?
A. The Pittsburgh Steelers
B. The Green Bay Packers

2. Will the coin be heads or tails?
A. Heads
B. Tails

3. Who will kick off the game?
A. The Pittsburgh Steelers
B. The Green Bay Packers

4. Who will score the first points of the game?
A. The Pittsburgh Steelers
B. The Green Bay Packers

5. Who will score the first points of the game?
A. A white guy.
B. A black guy.

6. In what quarter will the first touchdown be scored?
A. First quarter.
B. Second quarter.
C. Third quarter.
D. Fourth quarter.

7. Who will be winning at half time?
A. The Pittsburgh Steelers
B. The Green Bay Packers

8. Choose two songs the Black Eyed Peas will perform
A. I Gotta Feeling
B. Boom Boom Pow
C. Meet Me Halfway
D. Let's Get It Started

9. Will Fergie pee herself on stage?
A. Yes
B. Yes

10. Will the first commercial be a beer commercial?
A. Yes
B. No

11. Which brand will be the first to have a commercial after the game starts:
        A. Bud Light
        B. Miller Lite
        C. Pepsi
        D. Godaddy.com

12. How many times will the announcers say that they might not personally agree with some of the
decisions Ben Roethlisberger has made in his personal life, but he really seems to have changed,
or some variation on this meme?
A. Below 5
B. 5 or above

13. How many times will the announcers refer to Aaron Rodgers as, "clean shaven" or "all American"?
        A. Below 4
        B. 4 or above

14. Who will win the game (AKA Will Roethlisberger be raping around Hawaii in celebration or consolation?)?
A. The Pittsburgh Steelers
B. The Green Bay Packers

15. Will the game go into overtime?
        A. Yes
        B. No

           Print this out, hang it on the wall, make everyone write their initials beside their favored choice at least 15 minutes before the game. However you score it make sure to have a mediocre to lame prize for whoever wins (their real reward will always be the knowledge that they were right and everyone else was wrong) but more importantly you must have an appropriately horrible punishment for whoever does the worst. This list should satisfy even the biggest gambling addict in your life and serve as a wonderful way to pull you closer together - and really, isn't that what the holidays are all about?