Osama Bin Laden Goes For a Swim

 For those of you whose only source of news is O'Dellicious, Osama bin Laden is (SUPPOSEDLY!!!!) dead. A few days ago US troops caught up with him in Pakistan, stormed the building he was in, shot a human shield, and also managed to shoot bin Laden in the head. Since then, the US has taken his body to the nearest ocean and dumped it so that wicked bin Laden worshipping terrorists can't make a shrine where his body is buried. Also because he didn't really die and it's all a ploy for Obama to get re-elected.

 I'll let you guess which parts of that paragraph are true (hint: all of it), or even do heavy-duty research and turn on CNN. However, if you want to get to the real truth of the matter, all you need do is log on to Facebook. I discovered about bin Laden's death by being on Facebook, and the first thing I did (after turning on CNN for heavy-duty research) was to get on Facebook and begin reading the status updates. Ever so often I lose faith in humanity, then a major event like this happens and I get on Facebook, and I remember that the world is still well and good. Instead of writing a blog about Osama's death, I feel the best way for O'Dellicious to make note of it is to compile some of the best and brightest Facebook status updates on this situation. Enjoy.

 DISCLAIMER: These are *real* and *genuine* Facebook status updates. Most of them are appreciated only ironically, though a few of these are actually good (maybe two). If you are offended that your status is here, so sorry. All typos belong to the original owners.


  The Patriotic


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 "Nice to see America unified for half a second again."

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 "I hope everyone is watching the News!!!! "WE WILL NEVER FORGET!!!!" He's finally going to a place where he will be judged for his actions, 'bout time. AND killed by a US missile... thats what happens when you mess with the best."

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 "Today is a great day in America. Rot in hell Bin Laden!"

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 "so apparently Osama is dead.......Ugh, I was actually planning on catching this fool myself but they got ahead of me.. Dang.... i had a nice schedule of things i would have done to him. oh well, maybe next time. Imma go after his brothers....haha"

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 "God Bless US Navy SEALs!!! I want the guy who shot him to be the father of my children."


 The Conspiracy Theorists

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 "CIA Asset Bin Laden 'killed'. -Alex Jones"

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 "I'm just sick of hearing praise for Obama over this. I personally think everything our government does is a set up. Did you know Hitler died May 1, 1945 which was exactly 66 years ago? 5/1 or 5+1=6. Seems a bit too strange to be a coincidence. Plus it is clearly a ploy to get him re-elected. PLUS everyone is clearly still convinced that osama bin laden was the cause of 9/11 and i totally disagree. There is no real evidence that points the finger to him, but rather to our own corrupt government. Those buildings collapsed demolition style and almost all of the "hijackers" are still alive. Also, the other 2 sites where the "planes crashed" is very strange considering there were never any planes or plane parts to be found yet human bodies were still in tact....think about it....or better yet watch zeitgeist"
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 "....is the royal wedding over? check ...is it sunday night with everyone home? check ..ok run the teleprompter ...barry you're on"


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 "Mr. President Oboma now that the Quote on quote Terrorist regime leader is dead i was wondering if possible, you could bring our families home NOW. Oh wait i'm sorry i forgot about Fascist agenda you have planned for our country. :)"


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 "I go to bed and they have his body, I wake up and he was barried at sea? Hmm. Lemme get this straight, it was a compoud with barbed wire, thick walls, the whole 9 yards, but there was only 3 peole guarding him? ok? Wouldn't he have a small army with him at all times? Oh and as soon as they landed they took fire from bin laden and this three croonies. Why was he fighting and not hiding...in the builing made for that... There was a helicopter crash, but zero unjuries? Oh and the US says no one knew about it, but Pakistan says they were at the compound when it went down. Ooooooooooo K. Think I got it."



 The Peace-makers/ Breakers

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 "Proverb 24:17-20 'Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles; lest the LORD see it, and it displease Him, and He turn away His wrath from him. Do not fret because of evildoers, nor be envious of the wicked; for there will be no prospect for the evil man; the lamp of the wicked will be put out.'"

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"'Have I any pleasure in the death of the wicked, declares the Lord God, and not rather that he should turn from his way and live?' Ezekiel 18:23. We need more than a healthy dose of this mindset."

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 "For the people condemning people that are celebrating this wonderful news because it's not very "Christian-like" ... My God is celebrating too."


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 "For those condemning people for celebrating, I challenge you to remember September 11, 2001- and tell me celebration is not due..."


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 "You know what Osama Bin Laden just learned: Allah doesn't exist!!!!"


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 "They have killed Osama Bin Laden. When the wicked perish, the people rejoice."



 The "Humorous" (note the amazing originality)

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 "Reign of the 2001-2011 hide-and-go-seek champ ended today"


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"First it was Anne Frank. Now it's Osama Bin Laden. Who will be the next Hide and Seek World Champion?"

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 "The world's longest game of "Hide and Seek" is officially over."

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"'Hey! How come my forty virgins are ugly and carrying pitchforks and pincers?!!!!'Joke borrowed from my firend, Ed Newnan."

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 "so i'm wondering how disappointed bin laden was when he didn't get his virgins...."

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  "Mrs. Bin Laden changed her Facebook status to single lol"

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 "Osama your fired!"



 The Political


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"BAM- Just hit me... Osama Bin Laden's death will probably be the catalyst for Obama's re-election. Just a thought."

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 "To everyone being all happy that Osama is dead: I hope you THANK your COMMANDER IN CHIEF BARACK OBAMA for this since HE'S the one that actually sought out Bin Laden, rather than fighting his dad's war for oil. But oh wait, this victory will somehow not be attributed to him by the Right so that they can keep up with their bitching and moaning."

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 "I can't be certain it's Osama until his corpse produces a birth certificate, tee hee. But congrats on finally killing America's boogeyman. No telling how many innocents died as collateral damage. But I won't rain shit on America's parade too hard. Bush is a bigger terrorist to be honest, though. /Debbie Downer"

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 "Ok geeze obama, stop taking credit for it. Ehh...I did this, I did that....
  Obama can't help himself. He has NPD - Narcissistic personality disorder. The narcissist is described as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity."



 The Best


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 "Loves repects believes in and is so blessed to be an american. God bless our troops, their families, and our leaders in command. USA is my heart soul and life. But as happy as this day is it is stupid of us to stick our heads in the sand and think we have aquried peace especially after assinating a key leader and official of pakistan. I love this country and its people. Let freedom ring we are once again united." [sic]

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" R.I.P. Osama. You were like a brother to me </3 fly high baby!"

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 "ugh Osama why did you have to die? I was streaming Celebrity Apprentice and it was interrupted and I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO WAS FIRED! Dickhead."

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 "Thanks to George Bush, We killed Osama. Don't mess with Texas"
 "That's right... Bush, NOT Obama."

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 "Osama bin laden is dead... That can't be good."

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 "Now I lay me down to sleep...one less terrorist this world does keep...with all my heart, I give my thanks...to those in uniform, regardless of ranks...you serve our country and serve it well...with humble hearts, your stories tell...so as I rest my weary eyes...while freedom rings, our flag still flies...you give your all, do what you must...with God we live and God we trust....Amen and Amen RE POST"

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 "Ding dong the bitch is dead... and by bitch I mean Osama bin Laden"

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 "Man. I love Tootsie Rolls."

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            And that, dear O'Dellicious readers, is that. Comment to share your favorite one from above, or add any that you saw on your own Facebook feed and loved. And, above all, have a wonderful Monday (how can't you, now that the world's greatest supervillain is having a casual swim??).